"Love is all we have . . . .

"Love is all we have.  The only way that each can help the other."  --Euripides

Joan Shelton (Momma) said of her dad,
      "My dad, Albert Edward Strutt, was born in November, 1887 in Oxton, a village near Nottingham.  The Strutt name is one of the oldest in the village.  My dad's family lived in a 3-story Georgian type house that belonged to the village squire.  It was one of three behind the local pub, The Green Dragon, which still stands in Oxton today.
     My granddad was the head gardener at the manor house; when Dad left school, he was taken to work there in the garden alongside his dad.  There was no industry in the village so most lads worked the land.  Dad stayed at the Sherbrooke home, Oxton Hall, until he rebelled.
     It was the custom in those days that if any member of the squire's family passed by the workers, the workers were compelled to stand, doff their caps, and wait for the person to move past.  Dad got the idea that the squire's three young daughters were 'passing by' a bit too often, so at some point he refused to stand and doff his hat.  He was reported to the squire and let go.  His dad later apprenticed him to the local blacksmith, and that became his trade for life.

Oxton Hall, where Albert Strutt stared working in the garden alongside his dad

     Dad was one of 9 children; one sister died when she was 12.  She ate the skin of a baked potato, chocked on it, and died.  So we were never allowed to eat potato skins.
     My dad always kept himself so smart and clean.  I felt proud to be seen with him.  He polished his shoes, shaved, and wore a tie and trilby hat (a soft felt hat with a narrow brim and an indented crown) when out in public.
     Dad was a hard worker.  During the first world war he was sent to the Digby pit mine in the countryside to shoe the pit ponies, which, poor things, lived underground.  They were used to haul the tubs of coal to the shaft where the tubs were then lifted to the surface.  No mechanization in those days.  He worked there for most of the war years, keeping the machinery running and shoeing the pit ponies, working underground sometimes and other times at the surface.
     He was an avid gardener and kept the family in vegetables and flowers throughout the years.  He always smoked a pipe, and even now I can close my eyes and smell the sweet scent of tobacco on his clothes."        
                                                                                                --Joan Shelton

Digby pit mine

A pit pony

Bit of history:  'In shaft mines, ponies were normally stabled underground and fed hay and maize, coming to the surface only during the colliery’s annual holiday.  Typically, they would work an eight-hour shift each day, during which they might haul 30 tons of coal in tubs on the underground narrow gauge railway. 

     Recollections differ on how well the ponies were cared for in earlier years, but it should be remembered that they represented a capital asset to the mine, and that the best work could be obtained from animals that were in good condition."

The Green Dragon Public House in Oxton.  Dadda grew up behind this pub in a Georgian style home owned by the local squire.  The pub is still there.  Sadly, the house is not.

“We never know the love of our parents for us . . .

Frank and Gladys

 “We never know the love of our parents for us till we have become parents.”  Henry Ward Beecher  

Erik,
     Many years ago, Dad wrote down memories of his parents and grandparents.  Below are memories of his Mam and Dad, my grandparents, who I called Momma and Pop.
                                                                --Mom

 

      "My mam, born March 1, 1897 and died at age 80, was not a naturally happy woman.  There were flashes of fun that I saw in her, especially when she was at her Mother's with her 5 sisters, but she was, in general, rather serious and somber.
     She was one of 10 children, 6 girls and 4 boys and left school at age 14, which was the norm in those days.  A very good looking woman, she appeared taller than she was because of her erect posture.   She had auburn hair, dark eyes and was always quite thin.
     My mam, Emily, met my dad, Joseph, at a vaudeville show next to the Theater Royale in Nottingham.   They were married in August 1920.  Life was not easy, especially after World
War I.  There was unchecked poverty in England for years after the war.
     Mam was a good woman with high moral character.  Dad did not always comply with her regimen, and their marriage was bumpy.  She worked hard all her life and kept the family together.  After the war, Dad worked as a coal miner, but in the early 1920's there was a nationwide strike and miner's wages dropped 50%.  During my childhood, Mam ran a machine at Raleigh Cycle Company.
     Her pleasures were simple.  She loved nothing more than eating a thick crust of bread slathered with butter.  During World War II, she alone used up the family's butter ration.
                                                         

Emily Shelton

     She loved going to Goose Fair ("going down the fair"), held each Autumn in Nottingham, and looked forward to playing the mechanical horses.  If her horse won, she would come home with bits of china for the house.
     She and Dad enjoyed going to Skegness, a seaside resort, on a half day train trip sponsored by the local pub.  At Christmas, the family would go to the pantomime in Nottingham.
     In 1959, Mam and Dad came on the Queen Elizabeth to America to visit us.  Pop came again, alone, in 1963, and both came again by ship in 1965."
                                                --Frank Shelton


Erik,
     Even though Dad's childhood was difficult, he loved his mam and dad, and they loved him.  He talked about how Momma would smother his face with kisses.  He faithfully wrote an aerogram (a sheet of light blue paper, folded and sealed to form an envelope) to them every week after he left England.  That's 52 letters a year, year after year!
     I can only guess, but it must have seemed to Momma and Pop as though they'd never see Dad again once he left for America.  Dad's sister, Gladys, married an American serviceman after World War II and also left  England, years before Dad.  Thankfully they did see Frank and Gladys again, many more times.  They came to America, and throughout my childhood, we went back to England nearly every other summer.

Bit of history:  Goose Fair, was thought to have begun in 1284.  Originally it was a market fair and got its name from the thousands (20,000) of geese that were driven from the Lincolnshire Fens (a flat, low-lying area) to be sold in Nottingham, 100 miles away.  Until 1880, Goose Fair was held for 15 days in early October in the old Market Square in Nottingham City Center. It has since been moved and only lasts for 3 days now.  

Goose Fair in the early 1920's

The Helter-Skelter ride at Goose Fair

     "I remember going on a ride at Goose Fair with Dad called the Helter-Skelter.  It was a lighthouse shaped bulding with a staircase inside and a slide spiralling down the outside.  I would carry a mat up the stairs and then sit in front of Dad on the mat and fly down the slide."                              
                                        --Mom

Cock-on-a-stick

   


 There are many foods traditionally associated with Goose Fair--coconuts, brandy snaps, toffee apples, candy floss, mushy peas with mint sauce, and cock-on-a-stick (yes, it's really called that), a candy, rooster-shaped lollipop!   Momma also remembers winkles and welks (shellfish), served in newspaper cones.              

"Success supposes endeavor." --Jane Austen

Erik,

     "Success supposes endeavor." You come from a family that has worked hard to succeed.  Your great-grandparents' stories are of success and advancement through diligence.  You are where you are today because of all who have come before you.  Momma's dad was a blacksmith and her mam a maid; Poppa's dad was a coal miner and his mam a worker in a bicycle (Raleigh) factory.
     Most of the stories in these posts come from Momma.  I send her questions via e-mails, and she answers them in her replies.  I love reading her stories; many are new even to me.
     Right now Mam, Maureen, Rachel, Erin and I are watching "Downton Abbey," a period drama on PBS, set on the fictional estate of Downton Abbey, or Downtown Abbey as Jay likes to call it.  It follows the lives of the "upstairs" Crawley family and the "downstairs" servants who wait on them.  Although I knew that my grandmother had worked in a big house before she was married,  I was quite surprised to receive the following reply when I asked Mam about her life.     --Mom

Hannah Sophia Strutt and Kit

     "My mam, (Hannah Sophia Bradley) was born in Woodborough, near Arnold, on April 7, 1885.  She left school at age 12, having few other choices in a small village.  She went into service (as they called it) starting in the kitchens and working up to be a house maid at a vicarage in South Normanton, a nearby village (reminds me of Daisy in Downton Abbey).  As a kitchen maid, she probably earned the equivalent of $50. a year.  There was no other work for the village girls as industry was centered in the cities.  

     She said the vicar's wife was a tyrant.  She would pin an expensive brooch under the mattress to make sure the maids were turning it.  She and the other house maids would play a trick and instead just move the brooch to the top of the bed.
     The vicar and his wife had 3 boys who were away at boarding school.  When they came home at holidays, they were always up to mischief.  One day their mother was entertaining a group of local ladies for tea.  The boys went up onto the roof and placed a tile over the dining room chimney which smoked out the vicar's wife and her guests.

     Nanna's last job in service was for Lady Seel in Nottingham Park, a wealthy area near the castle.  She was the cook and housekeeper and stayed until she and Dad, Albert Edward Strutt, married in 1910 at St. Wilfred's Church in Calverton.
     When Dad was courting her, he would ride his bicycle from Oxton, where he was born, to Nottingham (12 miles each way) to spend the day with her when she was off work.  She always packed him a hamper of food to eat on his way home.
     On the day they were married, they moved into a private rented house at 151 Cross Street in Arnold and remained there until they died, Dad first in 1966 at age 79 and Mam in December 1984, six months shy of her 100th. birthday.  The house is still there today!  It had 6 rooms and the toilet was outside.  It did not have a flushing system, so every time we used it, we would turn the kitchen tap on, and the water would go down the drain outside and flush the toilet through to underground pipes.  Pretty primitive, eh.  I guess that is why they were called privies.  It wasn't until 1945, 35 years later, that the back bedroom was made into a bathroom with a tub and flushing toilet.  That was because after the war a law was passed that required indoor plumbing for a toilet and bath in every house."
                                                                         --Joan Shelton, February 2012


Here are a few other memories that Maureen wrote down years ago:

Albert and Hannah (Kit) Strutt with their only son,
Jack and daughter, Joan

     Nanna, my grandmother, loved to sew and was an expert seamstress on a treadle machine.   She sewed all her children's clothes.  She loved to walk and take bus trips into the countryside with Dadda.
     Dadda, my grandfather, worked under his father, who was head gardener at Oxton Hall, but he got in trouble and had to leave that job when he refused to tip his hat to the squire's daughter.
     He loved to garden and had 4 allotments and a garden,  greenhouse and shed in the backyard.  He  grew a grape vine in the greenhouse.  He loved his work as a blacksmith, fashioning wrought iron gates and such for people.
      When moving pictures began, they enjoyed going 2-3 times a week.  They would walk to The Roxy down Daybrook way, a suburb of Arnold.  They also went to the Pantomimes at Christmas.  Excursions to the seaside resorts of Skegness and Mablethorpe were also a treat.
     In 1962 they flew by prop plane to New York to visit Mam and Dad.  We were living in North Carolina at the time and Mam and Dad drove all the way to New York to pick them up.
     Maureen remembers that Dadda was an emotional man who cried easily.  He would get sentimental at each daughter's wedding; tears would run down his face.  His hand would tremble as he tried to hold the hymn book.  At each wedding he wore a black coat and black and grey pin striped trousers.  Afterwards they were put back in the wardrobe until the next one married.
     When they flew back to England from Charlotte, North Carolina, he got on the plane.  She could see him in the window of the plane waving his hankie.  He was a very gentle, quiet man.

St. Wilfred's  Church in Calverton where Nanna and Dadda were
married in 1910.   This is how it looks today.

"I never thought it was such a bad little tree . . . ."

               "I never thought it was such a bad little tree.  It's not bad at all, really.
               Maybe it just needs a little love."           --Linus from "A Charlie Brown Christmas"

Erik,

     I wrote this story in early November, 2009.  Enjoy.Mom

     "I'm not dreaming of a white Christmas this year.  We're going to have a white Thanksgiving.  However, I am dreaming of a Christmas tree--a pre-lit, faux tree.  In the catalog it says 

". . . just fluff the branches, add ornaments, plug in and voila!"  My kind of tree!"

      In 1959, I came to America with my family aboard the Queen Elizabeth.  Mam packed a small, artificial Christmas tree.  A central wooden dowel sat in a hole in a square base.  It was 3 feet tall with branches that pulled out and down to form the shape of a tree.  It came with light bulbs, each with a shade like an inverted Dixie cup.  A nursery rhyme and character were painted on each shade.

     In the early 60's, we bought a 5 ft. silvery tinsel tree.  It had a silver painted "trunk" with holes drilled in it at increasing angles, so that when each of the branches of the same size was inserted into the holes, they would perch upwards, forming a tree shape.  My brother, Darryl, was born during the era of the silvery tinsel tree.  Maybe that's why he loves tinsel so much. 

     In the 70's we had a 6-foot artificial evergreen tree.  It looked real, but didn't smell real.  We three kids could assemble it, no parent help needed.  Dad always put those big, cone shaped, multi-colored lights bubs all over the tree.  Maureen and I begged for fairy lights.  Darryl just wanted to lob tinsel at the tree, big clumps that would drip from random branches.

     I swore some day that I would have a real tree, a tree I cut myself at a tree farm.  And I did have that real tree, year after year after year.  But I was always the one who cut the tree, stuffed it into the too-small trunk or tied it on the roof of my car, forced the trunk into a too small tree stand, dragged in all into the house, attached lights and ornaments, and vacuumed endless pine needles. Each January I took it down, packed all the ornaments and lights away, dragged the tree back out into the yard, and cut it into 3 pieces for easy garbage pick-up.
     Every year the tree I bought was still real but a little bit shorter, with fewer lights and ornaments and eventually came from the local Target instead of the local tree farm.
     The year I'm ordering, from a catalog, a prelit faux tree with balsam fragrance.  The sections of the tree are hinged and pop into place--just fluff the branches, add ornaments, plug in and enjoy.  My kind of tree!

The 1960's silvery tinsel tree

Families are like fudge . . .

Joan (5) and older sister, Winifred (16)

"Families are like fudge--mostly sweet with a few nuts."
       --author unknown

     "I went to High Street Infants school, then to an elementary school.  Next I moved over to the other side of Arnold to Church Drive Senior School where I stayed until I was 14.
     Unless you were awarded scholarship to secondary schools in Nottingham, you had to leave school at 14.  One day I was in school, the next sitting at a sewing machine in a factory.  There was not much hope of a scholarship unless your parents were involved in the political system.  I always feel so much talent was passed over by stupid class rules and who you knew.
     Mam made all our clothes up until I was married; she was a wonderful seamstress.  She always dressed Molly (Kit's daughter, born in 1932) and me in the same outfits.
     There were too many of us living in the council house at 151 Cross Street, so we doubled up.  I had a bed in Mam and Dad's bedroom.  I would hear him say, "Good night, my darling," to Mam at night.
     I think, of all my sisters, I was closet to Doll (twin of Win).  She and Jack, her husband, would take Molly and me with them on holiday, even on their honeymoon.  They rented a caravan at the coast.
     Nanna was weak and ill for awhile after my birth, so Win was the one who took care of me as a baby.  Jack always 'took up for me (protected me),' especially against Mick because she could be very nasty, was jealous and lashed out and 'gave me her hand.'  Jack would get her back for it.
     I think Mam and Dad must have had a difficult time with that many (10) in the house and with all the squabbling that went on.  All my siblings were older than me and were off at work each day.  As a child, I spent most of my time with Molly, Kit's daughter, who lived with us. " --Joan Shelton

left to right, top--Nell, Kit, Win, Nanna
bottom--Molly (Kit's daughter), Joan, Doll

Joan and Molly at Win's wedding--notice the similar
 dresses made by Nanna

Joan and niece, Molly

     "Mam and Dad took me and Molly everywhere with them.  Some Sundays we would ride the bus to Oxton to visit Grandad and Granny Strutt.  He was a lovely old gentleman.  Granny looked to be 100 even though she was only 72 when she died.  We went for long country walks, stopping for ice cream somewhere.  Sometimes we would go in (split the cost) with Mam's brother and rent the local limo to visit relatives at New Holland, near Hull, for the day."          --Joan Shelton

bottom row, left to right--Doll, Mick and back row, left to right--Kit, Nell and Win--Jack, Joan and Molly not yet born

Bit of history:  Infant school is primarily for children in the UK between the ages of 4-5.  It is compulsory unlike nursery school.  Today in the UK, school is compulsory only until age 16 (14 in Momma's day), when the student can opt to continue schooling until 18, transfer to a college, seek paid work, or complete an apprenticeship.  A council house is a form of public housing built by the local council or government to provide affordable housing to working class people.  

"All grown-ups were once children. . .

"All grown-ups were once children. . . but only few of them remember it.

       --Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

     "I was born in the front bedroom at 151 Cross Street, Arnold, Nottingham, England, on April 25, 1927.  I was the seventh of Mam's children, and when I was born, Mam was 42, Dad was 41.  I had 5 sisters and 1 brother.  Kit was born in 1911, Nell in 1912, Winn and Doll in 1916, Mick in 1918, and the only son, Jack, in 1921.  When I was born, Kit, my eldest sister, was 16.
     I had a very loving childhood; I adored Mam and Dad.  They were so hard-working.  Mam took in washing, and Dad kept four allotments going so that we always had good healthy food on the table.
     Dad worked as a blacksmith at his forge four days a week.  On the fifth day, he went around to all the local farms, shoeing horses and repairing farm machinery.  He also built some beautiful wrought iron objects.  In Oxton, a village near Arnold, he build a huge wrought iron gate which is still there today.
     I spent many hours with Dad at his forge badgering him with question after question.  I loved to blow the bellows and see the fire flare up.  I still get goosebumps when I see a blacksmith working.
     Dad had a lovely Golden Retriever named Rex who walked with him to work each day.  He rescued the dog from a local farm where he was being abused."                                 --Joan Shelton        

Dad with Rex

Bit of history:  An allotment is a small piece
of land leased by the owner to individual gardeners.  An allotment usually has room for a shed and beds.  Its main purpose is for the growing of fruits, vegetables and flowers.
     Dadda, my grandfather, worked 4 allotments. He had a lot of mouths to feed--9 in all!  I imagine he also grew food in the long, narrow backyard at 151 Cross Street.
     Look at the eyes on the picture of Momma above.  She's 84 now, but her eyes are the same.
Pity the picture isn't in color so we could see their vivid blueness.

Love and Marriage

 "In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future."  --Alex Haley

St. Mary's, Arnold, present day--the picture below was taken in front the
arched side doors

left to right--Joseph Shelton, Emily Shelton, Mary Peck, Joe (?), Frank Shelton,
Joan Shelton, Albert  Strutt, Molly (Marian Ivy) Strutt, Hannah Strutt

     "We were married Saturday, June 28th., 1947, 10 am, at St. Mary's Church, Arnold.  I made my own dress and Molly's and Mary's, too.  Mine was white lace over a satin under slip.  It had a dropped waist at the front, a square neckline, and was trimmed with sequins.  I had to save and beg and borrow clothing coupons off family to get enough material for my dress because we were still under rationing in 1947. 

     We had a family only lunch reception including a traditional double-tier English fruit cake with marzipan and royal icing.  For the wedding cake, I had to beg and borrow ration coupons from my mam and Frank's mam, especially for butter.  A local baker on Front Street in Arnold baked and decorated the cake.  

     After the reception, Frank and I traveled by train to Portsmouth and then by ferry to the Isle of Wight for a brief honeymoon." --Joan Shelton, Sept. 2011

Bit of history:  Before, during, and after WW II, "the Ministry of Food" (wouldn't you like to be the minister of food?) instituted a system of rationing. To buy most rationed items, each person had to register at chosen shops, and was provided with a ration book containing coupons.  The shopkeeper was provided with enough food for registered owners.  Purchasers had to take ration books with them when shopping so the relevant coupon or coupons could be cancelled.  Traditionally after a wedding there was a seated luncheon called a wedding breakfast. "

Frank and Joan Shelton, age 20, 1947

Pay careful attention to the "bouquet" Dad is holding.  Note the rolling pins, wooden spoon, and horseshoe (don't want your luck to run out)!  Is it significant that Dad is holding it and not Mam?

     "Traditionally photos were taken outside the church immediately after the ceremony, or inside if it was raining.  While photos were being taken, relatives and close friends presented the bride with wedding souvenirs--horseshoes, wooden spoons, rolling pins, all decorated with lace and ribbon."

The newlyweds on their way to Portsmouth and the Isle of Wight

And so it begins . . . I was born.

     In England in 1955 most babies were born at home.  I was born two weeks late on Wednesday evening, July 14th, at 3 Chestnut Grove, Arnold, Nottingham, England.  When Mam went into labor, Dad called the nurse and walked Maureen down to stay with Momma and Pop, his parents.  By the time he walked back home, he heard my cry from the upstairs window.   I finally made my appearance with the help of Nurse Greensmith;  Mam was "chuffed to bits" and glad to have it over.

3 Chestnut Grove as it looks today

Maureen pushing me in the pram

     Maureen, 5 years old, is pushing me in the pram (perambulator), more commonly known in the US as a stroller, along Mapperley Plains, about a mile away from Arnold and overlooking Nottingham.  Sadly this is the only photo I could find of me as an infant.  That's my bit of head poking out from under the blanket.  Prams were mostly for infants; the baby would lie down facing the pusher.

We start and end with family.

Dear Erik,
    You might be asking why I'm doing this.  My motivation is really Dad's death in December 2008.  I realized there were still many unanswered questions, many untold stories, and many things I needed to tell him . . . but, sadly, I ran out of time.  That has left an ache in my heart.  
     This is not to say I didn't, through the years, try to reach out to him.  I did, often.  He didn't like to dwell on the past or reminisce.  He didn't like to talk on the phone, and his letters seldom filled a single page.  He liked to keep things superficial, which was quite frustrating for me.  I think his reticence to speak of the past or to talk about his feelings had to do with his childhood.
     He used to say, "No one should have a childhood like mine."  More than once he told me that he'd had a dreadful childhood.  I never found out, for sure, what made his childhood so grim, although I have a few ideas, gleaned from other family members and from little bits of "bread" that Dad let drop now and again.  He wasn't an easy man to love, but still I did, and I always felt loved by him.  He would end his letters and birthday and Christmas cards, "Love you, always have, always will."
     He was "a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma . . . . "  I don't want to be a mystery to you.  I don't want you to have unanswered questions, untold stories, and things you wished you'd said to me but didn't.  I want you to know who you come from.  As the title says, "We start and end with family."  
     And so it begins.